Well, thanks to your generous ripping apart of my story (*wink*), I have revised various parts throughout and changed the ending pretty drastically. The good news is, she still vomits at the end, and this time it's graphic. Hooray!
Love,
Jax
P.S. For the curious, here's how it ends:
She decided to really paint today. She packed her duffel full of paints and palettes and pencils, grabbed a canvas, and headed to the park. As she approached the spot where she had painted the day before, she remembered her encounter there with Jonathan Hall. She remembered how he had held her left hand, rubbing the beads on her O-mamori. Her stomach clinched, and her saliva began to thicken. She thought about how happy seven years of marriage had been. Her vision began to blur. As she got closer, she remembered how hurt Alex had looked, laying on the bed, pillow covering his crotch. She remembered Jonathan Hall’s cold hand on her breast, and her guts twisted painfully. Her mouth tasted bitter, and fat droplets began leaving wet trails down her cheeks. Finally, as she reached the spot where she and Hall had stood toe to toe, she recalled how it had felt to sleep alone last night in a wide, empty bed, without Alex by her side. With that last though, Marcia’s canvas and painting supplies toppled to the ground, the latter scattering across the grass. Marcia doubled over painfully, grabbing her knees for support, and emptied the bitter, acidic contents of her stomach onto the fading imprints of two size ten Rockports.
Nota Bene: In the revised park scene, Jonathan Hall is described as wearing Rockports.
2 comments:
yay! i'm glad she throws up for alex too now (and the rockports detail is nice!). i'd totally love to read the new version.
Oooh! This is GREAT. (I thought she was going to throw up on the canvas, though. Kind of a comment on her "sick" unconscious. She finally creates something after being artistically blocked the whole story but it's, literally, puke.)
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